Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 28 January 2011

image for Kid Rock's Marriage Is Reportedly On The Rocks
A bottle of whiskey that Kid Rock has said is his BFF. (Photo courtesy of Charlie Sheen).

DETROIT - The word coming out of Detroit is that white heavy metal rapper Kid Rock's marriage has hit a snag and is reportedly on the rocks.

The native of Romeo, Michigan, whose real name is Robert James Ritchie has certainly more than played the part of a Romeo having dated and/or married quite a bevy of well-known women including Pamela Anderson, Sheryl Crow, Jaime Pressly, Paris Hilton, Kelli Pickler, and Betty White (two dates only).

The heavy metal rapper who had a big hit with the song "American Bad Ass Kicker" told Ashburton Wasabi, a reporter with The Right Coast Illustrated Revue that his six day old secret marriage to Ofelia Sipington is on the rocks.

Kid Rock said that he realizes now that when he married Sipington that he was a hell of a lot drunker than what he thought. He grinned and said that he met her after he had performed at The Crop Rotation Convention Center in Waterloo, Iowa.

He said that after spending 24 hours straight with her she convinced him to get married after she had helped him consume three bottles of Jim Beam.

K.R. said that he does not remember the 30 minute engagement, the wedding, the reception, the honeymoon, or signing a prenuptial agreement that gives Sipington $20,000 for every day that they are married.

Mr. Ritchie's attorney Tanner Mushpride of the Chicago law firm of Skirtsteen, Calabash, & Mushpride says that his client can have the marriage declared null and void under Michigan's Misappropriation of Prenuptials Ipso Falsification Clause of 1999.

Kid Rock has announced that he will be performing in China in 38 cities starting in March on his Kid Rock Rocks Chopstick Country Concert Tour.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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