Written by Auntie Matter
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Friday, 28 January 2011

image for Hairapy Sweeps the US
Progress in Psychiatry... From couch to barber's chair.

A new shopping complex has opened up in Hollywood's Bel Air. But it is no ordinary shopping mall. It is run entirely by nurses and trained professionals in psychology and psychotherapy. It covers ten acres, is four stories high and houses many shops, restaurants and boutiques and even has its own taxi service.

Explained co-founder Prof. Cecil Whitehead who teaches psychiatry at California University:

"The concept is simple. It is to take the profession into the streets, to abandon once and for all the white coat approach that has been practised for years.

"At our clinic, we train skilled people to become counsellors and psychotherapists. We began small a few years ago with HAIRAPY. Hairapy was a hair-dressing salon staffed and run by qualified psychotherapists from our clinic.

"While having their hair done, clients could discuss their problems with a professional in a serene and normal environment. As well as dispensing shampoo we could also dispense medication. Of course, a haircut was considerably more expensive than normal at our salons but this is Hollywood after all.

"Hairapy was so successful we opened a few more shops and created the Hairapy Franchise that now has over a hundred salons all over America. This new complex is the natural outcome of our earlier success. We have massage parlours, pubs, restaurants and boutiques where you can discuss all of your problems and receive special advice and counselling as you shop or enjoy a drink or a massage."

"All we need now is more crazy people!" laughed Prof. Whitehead, part owner of the franchise and creator of the mall. The complex is to be called.... you guessed it the X-COMPLEX.

Dr. Seemore Pitman, head of America's Psychotherapists' Association stated:

"This is just a short route to riches for Whitehead and his cronies and brings the profession into serious disrepute.

"He is nothing but a socially acceptable drug pusher who will do infinitely more harm than good. He is trying to monopolize the profession. You could say he is trying to exploit madness but as he is not the only one in Hollywood engaged in that activity we cannot feign surprise.

"Can you imagine Charlie Sheen deciding that a haircut at the X-Complex is going to cure him of his addictions? He is more likely to develop an "X-Complex complex" to add to the ones he already has. It just shows you how gullible we Americans can become."

Prof. Whitehead will be featured guest on the Oprah Winfrey show next week and is currently adorning the cover of Time magazine as recipient of the nations "Most Successful Enterpreneur Award" for 2011.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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