Written by ej moore
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Tuesday, 23 August 2005

image for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie expecting quintuplets?  Truth exposed!
Pitt and Jolie remain "just friends"

HOLLYWOOD - Angelina Jolie was overheard yesterday confiding to a close friend during lunch that she and Brad Pitt were expecting five children in November 2005 and, as the Tinseltown grapevine wound the news to the top, all of Hollywood struggled to raise their collective chins from the floor.

"I heard her tell her friend that she and Brad were expecting five kids in July," said the source under condition of anonymity. "That's exactly what she said, 'We're expecting five kids'Â…and you know what that means!"

Angelina Jolie, the tattooed Tinseltown sex goddess and expert knifeswoman, and Brad Pitt, an affirmed Hollywood superstar often described as "an actor's actor," have been the center of recent romantic speculation. While both stars continue to publicly deny any clandestine sexual antics, it is no secret that Pitt has expressed his desire for a large family.

Pitt's current wife, television personality and aspiring film star Jennifer Aniston, is being blamed by many as the person responsible for the couple's recent marital problems. Although Aniston's friends say she is open to the idea of someday having children, many have rallied to her defense stating they support her right to hold off on a pregnancy in favor of a successful career in motion pictures.

"It's a shocker," said a close friend of Jennifer Aniston's hairdresser's houseboy's ex-girlfriend. "I mean, quintupletsÂ…what an awesome responsibility all at one time!"

For months, there has been heavy speculation that the Pitts' marriage was on shaky ground but close friends of the couple dismissed all suggestions that the glamorous pair might split. Together for seven years and married for almost five, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston remain Hollywood's most darling dream team. Both are successful in their respective careers and their marital bliss has long been the envy of the masses.

"They were tighter than a miser," said Jim Connoly, Pitt's agent's caterer's SUV detailer. "Before Angie came along, the only split in that marriage was Jenny's [deleted]."

However, photographs of Pitt and Aniston together --taken as late as last month-- showed strain on their famous countenances and, although doubts weren't being widely broadcast, there were whispers of a Pitt/Jolie romance circulating on the film locations of Mr. And Mrs. Smith, the soon-to-be-released film co-starring the pair.

During an emergency press conference called today by Pitt and Jolie at his Chateau Marmont bungalow, the press finally discovered the truth about the supposed Jolie quintuplet pregnancy.

"It's true that I have been longing for the pitter patter of little feet around the house," Pitt told reporters, "but, once again, the press has got it all wrong."

"You can say that again," Jolie stated. "Had your so-called source listened closely, he or she might have discovered that although Brad and I are expecting five kids in July, they are for a new business venture: We're investing in a farm for the production of goat's milk. The five kids are our starting stock. Of course, had I said we were expecting five children, well, that would have been a different matter altogether."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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