Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 26 January 2011

image for Gretchen "The Redneck Woman" Wilson Says She Wants To Kick Kanye West's Butt
One of Gretchen Wilson's cowgirl boots. (Photo courtesy of Ricky Gervais).

NASHVILLE - Gretchen Wilson the popular country singing redneck gal from Pocahontas, Illinois says that she has just about had enough of having to listen to that bling bling loving, rip rap rappin, hip hop hollering Kanye "The Pest" West.

Wilson told a reporter for The Nashville Proselytizer-News that if the arrogant brother had tried to take the microphone away from her the way he did from sweet, little Taylor Swift the hip hoppin ho would have had the microphone shoved so far down his egomaniacal throat it would had have ended up in his small intestine.

One of Gretchen's biggest hits was "Redneck Woman" and the female from Pocahontas can sure take care of herself. She once took on a 6 foot 5 inch tall cowboy from Montana who called her a 'Kitchenette Katy' which in the South is something that will get a woman hotter under the collar than if you were to say that she had cellulite, stretch marks, and could not cook.

Gretchy was able to whoop up on the Montana wrangler but truth be told, only because she had the help of a Jack Daniels bottle, an egg beater, and the butt of a .44 Magnum.

Wilson has confided to Buck "Bucky" Chugwater the man who brands her cattle down on her Tupelo, Mississippi ranch that if she ever comes face to face with Miss Kanye West that the 'feller' is gonna find out why you better never ever bend down to pet a rattlesnake, no matter how cute you think it might be.

Gretchen Wilson will soon be releasing her latest single on the Out Yonder recording label entitled, "I Might Just Be A Cornbread-Bred Country Girl But Don't Mess With This Big Mama Muffin Can She Sure Nuff Will Kick Your Silly Old Ass All The Way Back To Your Mama's Womb."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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