A writer on the satirical news website TheSpoof.com has told how he was forced to abandon his love of writing snippets for the site after he claimed doing so gave him a bad back.
Bureau, real name Arnold Heffer, 68, routinely wrote between 150 and 160 amusing news snippets each and every cycle of the sun, and is well known amongst the other writers as The Snippet King.
Trouble flared, however, when Heffer started to get pains in his lower back recently, at the time, a complaint he initially put down to 'too much wanking'. The bad back scare had really got him worried. He told friends at the site:
"I'm scared I have a bad back."
A subsequent visit to his physician cleared matter up. Said Heffer:
"I have decided to stop writing Snippets on TheSpoof after the ones that are on here today.
So if anyone has given up writing these, please go back. I enjoy reading them. If you wish to read any of mine, there must be nearly 35,000 on here already in the archives.
Actually reading the news this closely everyday, in order to spoof them, can be depressing."
Now in tears, he ended profoundly with:
"From where the sun now stands, I will snippet no more forever."