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Monday, 15 August 2005

image for Kermit Celebrates the Big 5-0, Turns Back on 'Friends'
Kermit: Still Green After All These Years

NICK-AT-NITE, CA-Kermit the Frog celebrated his fiftieth birthday this week and his fellow Muppets are outraged at the posh party thrown for the fun-loving frog and children's television icon. Why are they so mad? They weren't invited to the puppet party!

"Well, I never," huffed Miss Piggy, visibly miffed at being snubbed by the birthday bash organizers. "I wasn't even on the ‘B' List…oh, I could just croak!" she croaked. She even accused the amicable amphibian of ‘hogging all the best scenes."

Not alone in her consternation, other hands-up-their-backs were literally up in arms over the ‘frog getting to hobnob with Hollywood's elite while ‘the rest of us languished, humiliated in dark closets locked away in suitcases and stuffy boxes. "I was hopping mad when I heard the bug-eyed fly-eater got taken uptown without us, growled aging Muppet Senator Stattler. "Yeah, but even if they did, they probably wouldn't have brought us back, Waldorf mumbled in response.

Many of Kermit's erstwhile fellow Muppets are now having second thoughts about their relationship with the grass-colored legend. "Hmph! He claims ‘It Isn't Easy Being Green,' but I bet he doesn't find it all that difficult spending all that green he earns, what with his seniority, tenure and guaranteed top billing," Fozzy, Beaker and Sam complained in unison. But Animal expressed the consensus of Muppet disdain with a boisterous, "Aaaaaaaaaah" shouted through gritted teeth. Founding Father Jim Henson was surely turning over in his grave at the divisive development.

Kermit remained aloof to the whole matter, saying, "Hey, if it weren't for me, they'd still be on doing ‘Punch-n-Judy' routines in elementary school classrooms." I've earned my fame, and I'm not going to let them push me around……that is, until I'm old and feeble and unable to hop around by myself."

The friendly frog didn't forget his buddies altogether. He brought back a large portion of the birthday cake that graced his 50th celebration…a big ZERO, decorated in rainbow hearts. "That ought to let them know what I think of them. "Give me the fame and fortune," quipped the sticky-tongued celeb, "and let them eat their hearts out…of the cake, that is!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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