Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 29 December 2010

image for Top Gear 2011, budget cuts announced
Richard Hammond will be reviewing the Lada Hand

Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May will return for a new series of Top Gear in the New Year, but the popular motoring magazine show will be the subject of severe budget cuts.

"We will not be replacing the Stig," said show producer Morris Austin. "The last guy, whose name escapes me, was pretty cheep, but we've been told we'd need extra insurance to bring in a new Stig, so we won't be bothering."

The opening episode of the show will see the show's presenters reviewing fairground rides involving cars.

"We've managed to get all of us into Chessington for free," said Austin, "as long as we show the sign five times during the piece. Jezza will be reviewing the cars on the Tractor ride, whilst James will be on the Vintage Cars. The Hamster is going down the bobsled. Expect a long review on the queue, and a rapid review on the ride."

Having saved an episode's worth of budget, this has allowed the show to set up reviews of cars in the remaining episodes.

"Jeremy's not a happy man," said Austin. "But as this is a normal state, we're not unduly worried. In the second episode, he is reviewing a Mini and a Skoda, whilst the star in the reasonably priced car is going to be Craig McLaughlin."

This theme will continue throughout the series, saving up for a final blowout of the budget in the final episode.

"We're going for a big finale," said Austin. "We've calculated that we can build a submarine out of a Lotus Espirit, like Bond, you know. That's going to be ACE!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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