Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 28 December 2010

image for Nordic Model Victoria Silvstedt's Amazing Crush On Robert Pattinson
Victoria relaxing at the Hotel French Fry pool in St. Barts. (Photo courtesy of hotel manager Rusty Biffio).

ST. BARTS, West Indies - Victoria Silvstedt, who is one of the most gorgeous models to ever come out of Sweden was having the time of her life swimming and frolicking in the warm waters of the Caribbean Ocean.

She was mostly trying to keep her breasticles (knockers) within her extremely small white bikini top. And although she was winning the battle there were a lot of guys, dudes, and fellas standing and sitting around wishing and hoping that she would lose at least one of the little skirmishes.

Victoria, who is a former Playboy Playmate, Hooter's Girl, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model, and one of the best Pole Dancers in Scandinavia definitely has all of the right parts in the right places.

Silvstedt has modeled everything from bras and pantyhose, to teddies and bikini thongs, and garter belts to pantiliners.

Her and her boyfriend Maurice "Lucky Louse" Dabbah stayed at the Hotel French Fry in St. Barts. The fact that Dabbah has managed to somehow hold on to Silvstedt has absolutely amazed the members of the entertainment news media, the paparazzi, and pretty much everyone who has ever seen Maurice the Gees.

Many have described the man they call Dabbah Yabba Do as a cross between Elton John and Fantasy Island's Herve Villechaize.

It is no secret that Dabbah can make mulch look positively handsome. He can stand next to a damn, ugly-looking chupacabra and make the horrendous looking chupacabra look like a lovely, lovable, little toy French Poodle.

So then that means one of two things. One Mr. Dabbah has got tons and tons of money or else two, Dabbah has a taco tickler that could make him look like a damn tripod in the shower.

Victoria has confided to her masseuse Breonna Fupplehaus that she has a tremendous crush on Robert Pattinson. Breonna observed that she has known Vicky for three years and she has never seen her eyes light up the way they do when she mentions Patty (Pattinson).

Vicky confessed to Breonna that she saw Pattinson's latest movie, The Louisiana Tar Balls, in which he co-starred with Zac Efron and Taylor Lautner, a total of six times.

SIDENOTE: Breonna hinted that if Pattinson should ever even remotely show the slightest hint of having any interest in Silvstedt that Vicky will dump Dabbah quicker than a circus monkey turning loose a flaming red charcoal briquette.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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