Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 25 December 2010

image for Demi Lovato Has Settled The Assault Charges Out Of Court For $2.2 Million
Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez pulled a few strings and got Demi upgraded to a much nicer rehab clinic room.

LOS ANGELES - Demi Lovato who is still confined to The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic in L.A. reportedly disclosed to a clinic employee that she has settled the assault lawsuit which had been filed against her by one of her back up singers Alexandrina Welchowitz.

The star of the Disney Channel's hit show Sonny With A Chance sat in the clinic recreation center next to her attorney Rhett Duckabushowitz.

She was asked if the rumors about her having settled with her back up singer were true. Lovato looked at her attorney and he nodded.

"Yes." She responded.

Lovato was then asked what the amount of the settlement was. She again looked at her attorney who whispered in her ear. Lovato then responded by saying that on the advice of her attorney she would not be revealing the amount.

She was asked if the amount was more than a million dollars. Her attorney quickly jumped in and answered if they were hard of hearing since she had just a few seconds ago stated that she was not going to reveal the friggin amount of the flickin settlement.

Duckabushowitz went on to say that he has been an attorney for over 25 years and that neither he nor any of his clients have ever revealed what the monetary amount of an out of court lawsuit settlement was.

One of the reporters hollered out that she would be willing to bet the attorney that Larry King knew the answer to the settlement amount.

Duckabushowitz who knows King personally told the reporter identified as Cashmere Cunninghaven with the Tinsel Town Times Tribune that he would bet her $1,000 that King would not know the settlement amount.

Cunninghaven surprised everyone in the room as she said that she would take that bet.

The attorney dialed Larry King's number and he put the cell phone on the table on speaker phone.

King answered after the third ring.

"Hello it is I, the retired Larry King and if this is Piers Morgan I ain't in, Mr. Potato Head so figure it all out by your effen self."

Duckabushowitz told him who he was and asked him how he was doing. King replied that he had only been retired for one week and he was already bored as hell.

Lovato's attorney then asked Larry if he knew that his client Demi Lovato had reached a monetary settlement with her back up singer. King replied that he knew all about it.

"Really?" Duckabushowitz asked.

He then stated "So Larry tell me how much money did Miss Alexandrina Welchowitz receive in the out-of-court settlement.

"$2.2 million." King responded without missing a beat.

Duckabushowitz almost fainted. "Dammit Larry. You are one amazing fella. Damn, you're damn good. You effen old, hunched over SOB how the hell do you do it? Even my wife Cora Beth doesn't know and she says that I effen talk in my sleep."

King could be heard giggling. When he stopped, he answered simply, "Connections Ducky boy, damn, good, freakin connections."

In other news. Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has pointed out that the rampant rumor about her wanting to have George W. Bush's baby are totally untrue. She confessed that she does not even like white dudes.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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