Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 16 December 2010

image for Black Eyed Peas Member will.i.am Responds To Cheryl Cole's Crotch Claim
Will.i.am at the age of two shown with his 12-year-old sister Mimosa (NOTE: Mimosa was adopted).

BOISE, Idaho - The Black Eyed Peas recently performed to a semi-standing room only crowd at Boise's Mashed Potatoes Arena.

After the concert vocalist will.i.am met with a reporter for The Tinsel Town Times Tribune, Fauna Goobergarden. She asked about the recent statements that Derek Hough's girlfriend Cheryl Cole had made regarding him (lower case boy).

The 35-year-old bro, whose real name is Jahmal Jemima William James Kanye Adams, Jr., took a drink right out of the bottle of Southern Comfort and said that he wants to clear the air as well as the oxygen.

He reflected on the time back in London when he and Cole had engaged in a friendly game of "TSA Pat Down." He elaborated by saying that he played the part of the TSA pat down inspector first and he patted her down and then she played the TSA pat down inspector and patted him down.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Cheryl Cole has since taken a lie detector test regarding will.i.am's "TSA Pat Down" claim and she passed it with flying colors.]

The tiny lettered dude then expressed disappointment that Cole felt she had to reveal the fact that she feels that he is merely a third-rate performer.

He disclosed that one or three of the times that the two had been together that she had told him that he was the greatest singer since Frank Sinatra, a much better basketball player than Kobe Bryant, and a better home decorator than Martha "Jailbird" Stewart.

Jehmal Jemina did acknowledge that he does have a bit of a reputation for stretching the truth a little, but was was quick to point out that it is all in the past, just like his strange addiction to red M&M's.

The teeny wienie lettered performer denied reports that have appeared in dozens of U.S. and U.K. tabloids that he is just jealous because Cheryl Cole has stated numerous times that her heart, her brain, and every single one of her body parts belong to the winner of this year's Dancing With The Stars, Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough.

Jehmal Jemina did confess to the fact that he may not be as well-endowed in the crotch department as perhaps 98 percent of all males but he did disclose that he is at least a little bit bigger than Jon "3 Inch" Gosselin.

The black Black Eyed Peas vocalist, who also plays the bass guitar, the keyboards, and a little harmonica (no pun intended) added that he is planning on going in and having what is known as a peckeritis enhancement.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I personally spoke with will.i.am's. pee-pee physician Dr. Abacus Chin Young, 89, of Chinatown in San Francisco, and he informed me that the $14,000 penis procedure will add about half an inch to Jemina's wiggle widget.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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