Written by Lady Godiva
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Friday, 10 December 2010

image for X Factor final: Simon Cowell declares war on rival Cheryl Cole ahead of finale
Cheryl Cole trying to hide her cold sore

The truth is out. Cheryl Cole, wife of footballer Joe Cole (or is it Ashley Cole - could it be Old King Cole?) and Simon Cowell, grandson of Enoch Powell and great great grandson of Lord Baden Powell, have admitted that they simple hate each other.

As an 'aside' when asked why Simon changed his original name from Powell to Cowell....he said,

"I wanted to become world famous in my own right and not piggy-back on the infamy of my ancestors."

Apparently Cole appeared on t.v. recently with a 'cold sore' on her mouth. Often caused by stress, cold sores are actually a form of herpes. The make-up department had been unable to 'cover it up' as they ran out of 'foundation' after working on Simon's acne.

Cheryl denies that she has a room booked at the Priory Clinic in London but sources say, they have inside information that Cheryl spends her 'down-time', no pun intended, at the Priory Clinic in a effort to keep herself grounded. When not in London, Cheryl makes special arrangements to spend her down-time at recommended 'facilities' wherever she is working.

Cheryl's psychiatrist is her constant companion when outside of the Priory gates.

Although Cheryl is no threat to society, police worry that she MAY be a threat to Simon Cowell. Simon has hired a 'drinks and food taster' to work for him during the time he works with Cheryl. He won't eat or drink unless his 'taster' has sampled the goodies. The 'taster' is actually Cheryl Cole's mother, so he knows SHE can be trusted. It's his sneaky way of making sure Cheryl won't poison him...her mam being his 'taster.

It is alleged that Simon told a reporter,

"I don't trust that damn bitch an inch. I'm taking no chances when she's around. I know she wants rid of me. We detest each other."

When asked if this 'battle' was merely a cheap publicity stunt, Simon said,

"No comment."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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