Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 29 November 2010

image for Justin Bieber To Film An Anti-Plastic Surgery Commercial With Heidi Montag
Heidi Montag shown shortly after she had big toe reduction surgery. (Photo courtesy of Charlie Sheen).

LOS ANGELES - Justin Bieber has just agreed to appear in an anti-plastic surgery commercial with the undisputed Queen of Plastic Surgeries, none other than Heidi "Plastic Woman" Montag.

Montag has had close to 40 plastic surgeries performed on her body within the past three years. Some of these surgeries include nipple coloring, breast augmentation, uvula circumcision, G-spot realignment, big toe reduction, clitoris enhancement, and her most recent biscuit vajazzling.

Heidi was asked which of all her surgeries did she like the best. She blushed and said that she really enjoyed having her playpen hand vajazzled.

She said that the vajazzling team used the most expensive Swarovski crystals in the entire world which were specially imported from The Hi Yo Silver Diamond Mines located outside of Gazelle Groin, South Africa.

Heidi's appearance in the commercial will show her going through some of the actual dozens of plastic surgeries. In some segments she will be shown looking as if she was a victim of a volcanic eruption.

The commercial will also include her actual screams, yells, and cursing during and after the actual surgeries.

Then Justin Bieber will appear beside her bed after Heidi has had her nose raised by an inch. She will be covered up by a sheet. Bieber will go up beside her bed and ask her if he can get her anything.

Montag, who will be shown in tremendous pain, will respond by saying that she would like for him to go find a bazooka somewhere.

She'll then tell him to forget it since it would cause a hell of a lot of damage to the hospital and probably even hurt the patient in the next bed.

Bieber will then raise the sheet and look at her. He will put his hand to his stomach. He will then regain his composure and say, "Dammit Miss Heidi, I'm only 16, and I have already had several girlfriends, but I sure as hell never want any of them to ever do what you have done to yourself. Hell you look like freakin Joan Rivers for goodness sakes!"

SIDENOTE: The commercial will run exclusively throughout the United States. It will include English subtitles in the East Los Angeles viewing area.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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