Bernard Blunt, a sad loner, boasted to his mates about a whole new world that had opened up for him.
I saw that clever bird off the telly telling me how I could clear all my debts by ringing this free phone number'.
So I gave it a go. It was bloomin marvellous!
I then decided to ring all the free phone numbers I could find.'
Some of them birds wot I spoke to were real class. It didn't matter wot I said because they never got upset or swore at me!'
In the old days, I'd ring those numbers that you find at the back of the Sun and Star newspapers. And to be honest, the birds I used to talk to were a bit crude.'
Besides that it used to cost me a small fortune.'
But the ladies I spoke to on the free phone lines was all dead nice'.
We'd speak for ages about all kinds of silly things that I didn't really understand, and then the really clever thing was that it didn't cost me a single penny for the call!'
I will never be lonely again'.
Yes, there is no doubt ----free phone is better than sex', Bernard breathed, heavily.