Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 22 November 2010

image for The Ratings For "Sarah Palin's Frozen Alaska"  Are Shooting Through The Roof (No Pun Intended)
Sarah Palin shooting a green clay hummingbird.

WASILLA - Sarah Palin has literally struck gold with her Alaskan based reality show.

TLC Network executives are boasting that Sarah Palin's Frozen Alaska is beating out top shows such as CSI: Las Vegas, Modern Family, Mafia Cake Boss, The Jersey Shore, Celebrity Boozing, and The Real Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

In the shows second installment "Mama Grizzly" Palin took oldest daughter Bristol to the clay pigeon shooting range where she had her baby shower over 20 years ago.

Todd and Sarah Palin took turns blasting away at orange clay pigeons, red clay woodpeckers, and later, to really put their gun blasting to the test, green clay hummingbirds.

The former governor of Alaska really did some pretty good shooting and she would have definitely made Buffalo Bill, Davy Crockett, Daniel Boone, and Pancho Villa all proud as hell.

In fact she only missed three of the clay thingies and she wrote that off to the fact that she was on her period and she got a little bit distracted by the noises emanating from her loins region.

Bristol on the other hand did not shoot worth a damn. And truth be told her shooting is about as good as her dancing...Hmmmm.

Bristy did manage to accidentally shoot two woodchucks, a gopher, a kangaroo, and a hibernating polar bear.

After they left the site of "Shotgun" Sarah's baby shower they traveled down to the Gulf of Alaska where they boarded a commercial halibut fishing boat.

The vessel appropriately named The Iceberg Lettuce is single handedly responsible for providing 60 percent of the U.S.'s halibut, 30 percent of the sardines, 20 percent of the fish sticks, and 3 percent of the broccoli.

Bristol showed that not only is she a fantastic dancer but she is also one amazing halibut bopper as she learned from her mother, in record time, how to take a billy club and clobber the heck out of the bouncing halibut that have been brought on board the boat.

Sarah asked Bristol if she was having fun knocking the daylights out of the fishies. Bristy replied that she most certainly was and that it was a great way to let off steam.

Her mom grinned and said, "Ya know Bristy, gosh darnit, it sure as shit beats the hell out of having to go to those expensive weekly anger management classes doncha know huh?"

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Next week, the wild Palin women, Sarah, Bristol, and Willow, plan to travel up north to Eskimo territory and see if they can't find some unsuspecting male salmon to practice performing vasectomies on.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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