Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 17 November 2010

image for Simon Cowell Wants Kate Middleton To Replace Cheryl Cole As An X-Factor Judge For The 2011 Season
Kate Middleton the fiancée of Prince William of Wales. (Photo courtesy of Len Goodman).

LONDON - Simon Cowell, CEO of 19th Hole Productions says that he will probably not be renewing Cheryl Cole's contract at the end of the 2010 X-Factor season.

Cowell has said that he realizes that Ms. Cole just has too many things going on in her life, what with flying back and forth to America to visit her boyfriend Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough of the reality dancing show Dancing With The Stars.

Simon, who is known as The Sultan of Sarcasm in the states, remarked that he has become fed up with Cole literally begging him to let her have some time off so that she can go into the recording studio and record another hit song and make an accompanying hit video as well.

He noted that he is considering three well known individuals to replace Chezza Cole. His first choice is Britain's Got Talent judge Amanda Holden. Holden also starred in the popular BBC soap opera As The Crumpets Turn.

His second choice is America's So You Think You Can Dance host Cat Deely. Deely has hosted two reality game shows in London including Hey, 'Ave Ya Seen Me Welly? and Who Wants To Be A Ponce?

Cowell said that he likes both Holden and Deely since both are English and both are extremely sexy, with great looking long, luscious legs that seem to go on forever.

Simon's girlfriend Mezhgan Hussainy, an ex-Afghani freedom fighter, has pointed out that Simon has told her on several occasions that the person that he would really want to see take over Cheryl Cole's judging position is none other than Kate Middleton, the fiancée of Prince William of Wales.

Cowell said that the native of Bucklebury, Berkshire, is a talented musician who can play the oboe, bassoon, glockenspiel, and tuba.

He also mentioned that she loves oldies music and has memorized the words to every song that the Beatles ever wrote including "Yellow Submarine," which neither Paul McCartney nor John Lennon particularly liked but that Ringo Starr absolutely loved even more than the songs "Happy Birthday," "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida," "MacArthur Park," "Layla," and "Lola."

In a related story. Cat Deely has denied the rumors that she has a tattoo with the name Charlie Sheen tattooed on her lower back.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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