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Friday, 12 November 2010

image for Karl Pilkington Flatly Refuses To Live On Coronation Street
"At Least It's A Proper Bog. With Paper..." Karl Pilkington

'Idiot Abroad' star, Karl Pilkington, the baldy Mancunian travel reporter with 'a head like an effin orange' according to partner in crime Ricky Gervais, has turned down flat the opportunity to take up residence in Coronation Street, Weatherfield, Manchester.

Karl told friends that even though Corrie is only down the road on a Granada lot on Quay Street, not far from where he was dragged up, there's no way on God's earth he'd ever move there.

Pilkington expanded on his statement by saying that given the option, he'd probably rather go to Mogadishu because that option would be marginally less hazardous than the mean streets of Weatherfield.

"It's too mad for me is Weatherfield," he was reported as saying. "It's full of nutters. Richard Hillman - serial killer. John Stape - hides bodies under the floor of the factory. Say no more. And that John Stape; he's a kidnapper, he kidnapped Rosie Webster. Then there was all them others - Brian Tilsley, stabbed. Dead. Brown bread. Ernie Bishop - shotgunned in a wages snatch. What's that all about? Dierdre's husband who got shanked down the canal bank...it's not good that.

"Then there's all the accidents, Ken Barlow's wife electrocuting herself, Ena Sharples falling down a hole, Liam Connor getting run over on his stag night, that Tony Gordon killing folk. They aren't getting me to move in there. Not at any price. I don't even care if they've done away with the old long drop bogs and they've got centrally heated shit houses with soft bog roll. I'm not having it. Full stop."

Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant however remain confident that they will at some point be able to talk Karl into it.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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