Written by Thibarine
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Wednesday, 10 November 2010

image for "Off with her Head!" Cheryl Cole's Career in Tatters as X Factor fans Turn Against Her After Voting Shambles.
Derek Hough is on speed-dial, ready to console his fiancée.

$imon Cowe££ first to leave the sinking ship as "nation's sweetheart" turns sour.

Cheryl Cole went from nation's sweetheart to public enemy number one overnight after the X Factor vote-skewing fiasco. Thousands took to the blogosphere to demand she be sacked and replaced with Nicole Scherzinger.

Treyc Cohen and Katie Waissel found themselves in the bottom two, with Treyc the bookies' favourite to go because she could actually sing and didn't have a weekly meltdown to keep her in the headlines.

Cheryl refused to choose between her two acts, saying "You can't expect a national treasure like me to favour one girl over another. I'm like the Queen - I dinner carry cash and I dinner have to vote if I dinner want to."

It all started to go wrong for the flame-haired stunner after she caught malaria from her fiancé, rampant heterosexual Derek Hough. Then she was refused a spot on the judging panel for the American version of X Factor. According to US immigration law, only one orange Wag is allowed into the country at a time and that spot is already filled by Victoria Beckham. Even Simon Cowell has started to distance himself from his former pet judge as her star begins to wane. The run of bad luck continued when guest star Rihanna used up the industrial sized vat of red hair dye Cheryl had been using to style her contestants.

Calamity Kate survived after forgetting her lyrics and shouting "sod it!" as she fell to the floor. Louis Walsh took notes - next week his comedy turn, Brazilian lion tamer Wagner, will try to win over the crowd by singing "Never Mind the Bollocks".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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