Written by Nick Hobbs
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Topics: Music, boy bands

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

image for New Band On The Block 'The Teenagers' Set To Release First Single
The Teenagers in the studio.

The music worlds latest find, 'The Teenagers', are set to release their first single this week.

A rewrite of the 1980's Joe Dolce hit number 1 'Shaddap You Face' is being released to coincide with the young stars first tour of the UK.

'I'll Stick Glass In Yer Face' is set to be a runaway success. Lead vocalist of The Teenagers, Wayne Stevens, didn't turn up for the interview as he was signing on for disability benfit, but we spoke to his probation officer, Louise Belch.

"Wayne is stoked," she told us, "not that he'd ever show it, because that's not cool. But he's just happy to get out of Moss Side."

The Teenagers were hired by Simon Cowell to be the next big thing. Chosen from hundreds of teens who could be bothered to turn up to auditions, the group gelled straight away.

Bobby Bobby Bob, day to day manager of the group, said "they had a real big fight when they met, that set up the pecking order, then they had a bonding session of sitting round playing X-Box, smoking pot and threatening old ladies outside Co-op. You know, just usual teenager behaviour!"

The lyrics have come under fire from violence campaigners The chorus goes thus..

"What The Fuck Are You (Lookin' at)?
I Got No Respect!
D'ya Think I Give A Shit?
I'll Cut You Up So Bad!
I Mean Really Really Bad!!
Now Give Me Some Space,
Or I'll Stick Glass In Yer Face!"

But Bobby Bobby Bob defends the rewrite, "there's nothing wrong with it, it just sums up exactly what the youth of today feel like. There's no harm in it, it's not as if they are actually glassing people! I mean Wayne is on probation for stabbing, totally different!"

The song is to be released on friday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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