Written by Don Merlot
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Sunday, 24 October 2010

image for Brand-Perry Marriage on Rocks Already After Camel Sex
One hump or two?

Russell Brand and Katy Perry's marriage is already on the rocks, according to showbiz gossip websites, after Brand was caught having sex with one of the camels used in the ceremony.

The news came just hours after the pair released a statement together saying they were "delighted" with their "private and spiritual" do in India - where they were accompanied down the aisle by elephants, horses, and the aforementioned camel.

The assembled wedding party were first alerted to the tryst, by the confused braying of a camel behind the makeshift altar erected on a beach in Jaipur. A bridesmaid claims she overheard randy shagger Brand using his famed chat-up lines on the animal:

"Oooh you big hairy camelly-wamelly... I love the fact you've only got one hump - it reminds me of that time I had an orgy in a breast cancer ward."

However, prolific pork swordsman Brand tried to pass it off as a misunderstanding. He described how his pubic hair (which is styled in the matted-hobo-covered-in-piss manner which has become a trademark with the hair on his head) merely became entangled with the camel's nether regions:

"Cor blimey, Hare Krishna, me pubes just got all snarled up in the filthy beast's behind, guv'nor."

Close friends of Perry say she is devastated, but is also ready to forgive - because her new husband was similarly willing to overlook the fact she gave a hand-job to Elmo during a cameo appearance on Sesame Street.

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