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Wednesday, 20 October 2010

image for Katie Waissel And Cher Lloyd 'Unhappy' About Wayne Rooney Situation
It's All Bullocks Anyway.

X-Factor contestants Katie Waissel and Cher Lloyd were reportedly furious that Manchester United striker Wayne 'Spud' Rooney was stealing all their redtop thunder.

Rooney, whose 'want out' declaration has stunned the football world, not least Sir Alex Ferguson and everyone connected with Manchester United Football Club, has really knocked the wind out of the X-Factor sails.

Cher Lloyd apparently asked who the heck is Wayne Rooney? Who the heck is Sir Alex Ferguson? and how come these individuals are more ingrained in the national consciousness than what she is? A laughing Louis Walsh told her to extricate her head from her own arse and smell the coffee.

Likewise Katie Waissel, who has confided in pals that she is distraught that she has been displaced in the pecking order by a Shrek lookalike, and that how many sex DVD's would she have to make in order to regain her tabloid edge? How many celebs or wannabes would she have to claim to have slept with in order to get more internet hits?

Cheryl Cole (5'3" but working on it) was too busy unveiling a waxwork replica of herself at Madame Tussaud's - which observers insist is more animated than the real thing.

Wayne Rooney was reported to be sitting in his counting house at the bottom of his extensive garden with his accountant and a calculator weighing up the pros and cons of a move to the City Of Manchester Stadium.

Carlos Tevez was reported to be taking lessons in talking Scouse.

And finally, Rebecca Ferguson strenuously denied rumours that she has had her anus bleached.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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