Written by Charpa93
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Thursday, 14 October 2010

image for Billy Mays' Ghost Wreaks Havoc on Martha Stewart Show

Taping of the most recent segment of the Martha Stewart Show this past week had to be halted when strange occurrences had Martha ducking under the grill isle in her studio kitchen. Producers aren't sure yet what to make of it, but said that it became quite apparent that whoever or whatever was on the set that day didn't like the way Martha used the term "sliders" in a less than favorable light.

The theme of the show was "Everyday Football Finger Foods" and someone had placed a contraption known as a "Big City Slider Station" on the counter for Stewart to work with. The first sign of trouble came when Stewart saw a bowl of ground up meat on the counter together with a scoop to scoop the meat into the slider station. The camera caught a visibly disgusted Stewart eying the slider station, and instead of saying her line "Sliders are the perfect finger food at any football half-time party at home," she instead blurted out, "my, those Italians sure do like their meat, don't they?" The slider station appeared to move about a half foot to the edge of the counter by itself.

As Martha grabbed at the slider station to steady it, it crashed to the floor, sending ground meat splattering on the floor. Trying to steady herself while leaning down to begin cleaning the meat mess, it appeared that an invisible shoe made contact with Ms. Stewart's bum and she leapt several feet across the kitchen floor, landing with her head through the first rungs of a well-appointed beverage cart laden with late-fall beverage choices of ciders, American pilsners, and port wines.

Stage hands were scrambling as Martha Stewart screamed out, "Billy? Billy, is that you?" This incident brought back memories of an incident in Stewart and May's past whereby Billy Mays once attended an event hosted by Martha Stewart in which she called him "the lowest form of food preparation huckster." Stewart always maintained that the food preparation gadgets Mays advertised were nothing more than dollar store trinkets and blamed him for taking the art of food preparation down several notches.

Stewart once called the "Chopper Pro" 'something straight out of the Flintstones.'

The Big City Slider Station episode has been scrapped for now, and Stewart is hard at work on several holiday specials which she feels are more in line with who she is. One dessert special to begin taping in November will feature some French apple pastry creations made famous by Julia Child. Stewart admits after this last ghostly row, she is a bit nervous. "Not that I can't do anything Julia Child does and better, but while she was alive, that old bat really had it in for me," said Stewart.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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