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Tuesday, 12 October 2010

image for Courtney Arquette Removes the Cox: Well, David Arquette's, Anyway.
ABOVE: Courtney Cox-Arquette and David Arquette.

David Arquette To Howard Stern: "I'm Drowning My Sorrows Inside Jasmine Waltz."

The Vag-wagon at the Courtney Cox/David Arquette abode is resting on its brake drums upon cinder blocks; so says David Arquette, who just set his plan to reunite with his 54-year-old wife back ten years, by making his entire private life public by airing it on the Howard Stern Show.

"We are going through a trial separation," Arquette told Howard Stern, who sent copies of the conversation to every f--king media outlet in the universe, hoping for some publicity. "We haven't had sex in 4 months."

"Usually, I would just wait until she was asleep, squirt some WD40 down there, and have at it," said Arquette. "She liked it better when she wasn't conscious for the act."

Arquette explained that he and Courteney stopped having sex around one month before they started shooting "Scream 4: Beating A Dead Horse"

Arquette also stated that No-Cox was the one who demanded they break up, after telling David that she was "tired of being (his) mother."

"My mom is actually younger than her," Arquette said. "And if she wanted to look younger to me, she might've shaved that 'thang'. When she's naked, it looks like she has Queen Elizabeth II in a leglock. Hideous."

David also stated that he never cheated on Courteney before the split, but as soon as the bitch hung a 'Do Not Enter' sign on her panties, David consoled his penis by burying it in 28-year-old superhot model Jasmine Waltz; his "one conquest."

WHAT IS A POWER BOTTOM??

As it refers to male homosexual lovin', a 'bottom' is the one getting meat in the pooper, a 'top' delivers said meat. A Power Bottom is the partner in the receiving role who is aggressive and dominant rather than passive and permissive.

And whose sloppy-seconds are Jasmine Waltz-Cox-Arquette? In early 2009 she dated "Americal Idol" host Ryan Seacrest. The relationship lasted for a few months, until Seacrest remembered that he was a flaming power-bottom, allegedly.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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