Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 10 October 2010

image for X-Factor - Robert Mugabe To Mentor Cher Lloyd And Katie Waissel To Spite Gamu Nhengu
"I Have Never Had Sexual Relations With Katie Waissel" - Nothing New There Then

In a move that even took Nelson Mandela by surprise, Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe this morning announced plans to mentor X-Factor doubtfuls Cher Lloyd and Katie Waissel.

Apparently Mugabe is well pissed off by the way Gamu has been badmouthing him all over the Sunday redtops, saying that people in Zimbabwe plan to put her up before a firing squad.

An insider related that Doctor Bob was seriously well pissed off that Gamu was badmouthing himself and his benevolent farmer loving administration, to such an extent that he plans to offer personal guidance to Cher and Katie, and intimated that he wouldn't waste valuable bullets on Gamu.

"There could be a change of plan," one Harare based observer told Skoob Entertainment News. "Maybe if Gamu comes back to Zim, instead of shooting her, they'll just hit her on the back of the head with a shovel or something."

UK based Zimbabwean one-time sausage vendor, Clayton Le Moors was apparently unimpressed by Katie's reedy rendition on last night's show of the Queen classic 'We Are The Champions' and he wasn't all that carried away by Cher's crap rap on 'Dub Be Good To Me' either.

"They were both quite shite really," he said. "I liked that Scouse lass, Rebecca Ferguson, and the Irish woman from Tesco's, Mary Byrne. That wild card entrant Treyc was bloody good too. Would Gamu have matched up to that standard? I doubt it. But there's one vitally important life lesson to be gleaned from all this X-Factor nonsense - you don't fuck about with Doctor Bob Mugabe. And if you don't believe me - ask all them white farmers. Burn him! Burn him!"

We didn't quite get this either, but, as usual...

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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