Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 28 September 2010

image for Kylie Minogue Meet And Greet
William Nonamici

William Nonamici won this year's MTV Meet and Greet competition, having entered on a whim. His choice of celebrity was Kylie Minogue.

"She was very nice," Nonamici said afterwards. "I chose Kylie because she's had a hard few years. What with her boyfriend committing suicide, that Starsky Hutch bloke from INXL, and the whole breast cancer scare. I felt that she needed a break from it all."

According to Nonamici, he took Kylie into his home, made her a cup of Darjeeling, put Dave on the television, and let her put her feet up. When she'd asked him what he wanted to ask her, Nonamici was easily pleased.

"I told her I didn't want to ask her anything," he said. "She could just sit back, relax, watch the re-runs of Top Gear or anything she wanted really. To be honest, I don't really care what celebrities think. I had some minutes to use up on my phone so I entered the competition. No other reason. She had a couple of custard creams. I'd bought McVities specially, none of this own brand rubbish for Kylie."

After Kylie had finished her tea, Nonamici had asked if Kylie wanted anything else, and she had said she would love to have a shower if possible. Nonamici allowed her the use of his bathroom, and apparently did not even peek.

"Kylie said that she had a wonderful afternoon," Nonamici said, pleasantly. "So much so that she wants to do it again at some point. I was quite happy to oblige, which is why I've locked her in my cellar."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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