London - Tiger Woods announced today he is seeking to adopt Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton in the Big Bro program, an international NGO.
After meeting with the two divas of mishaps, Woods decided to make the extraordinary move of having the two women move in with him for closer observation and..."Personal consultations on serious life issues."
"We just think we are so lucky to have found the Big Bro program," said Paris, "I mean just think, with a Big Brother like Tiger to carry my purse for me I'll never get into trouble anymore!"
"You are sooooo stupid!" replied Lindsay, "You shouldn't carry the drugs you do with you in the first place!
"Oh and like you're a whole lot smarter? When's the last time you passed any kind of test?"
Tiger enters the room, "Girls, girls, we've talked about this before. Remember your Yoda mantra: Do or do not... there is no try. ... or do not... there is no try."
"Oh...like wow that is so...so hard to understand it makes sense to me," exclaimed Paris.
"Its the tenth time you've heard it stupid," replied Lindsay.
"Remember" reminded Tiger, "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."
"Yeah whatever Tiger baby, isn't it time for our sponge bath yet?"