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Thursday, 12 May 2005

image for Paris and Nicole Explore Michael Jackson's Briefs

Leave it to Fox. In a move virtually guaranteed to simultaneously expand its primetime network and cable news viewerships, the self-described "schlock" network has announced a very special May sweeps episode of "The Simple Life: Interns".

Next week's episode finds "Simple Life" stars Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie in Santa Maria, CA, facing their most challenging assignment yet-as part of the Michael Jackson defense team. The pair lack a formal legal education, but do have a certain familiarity with the justice system, as well as native talents that could well play an important part in the outcome of the Jackson trial.

Jackson's attorneys agreed that, really, there is nothing to lose at this point, and that some "out of the box" thinking might be just what is called for in such an uphill battle. Although the evidence against Mr. Jackson appears to be damning, and the chance of acquittal depressingly slim, Fox producers have provided assurances that "The Simple Life" will stay true to its uplifting message of quality T&A.

While Nicole will focus on using her most important assets to persuade pubescent witnesses to recant their allegations against Mr. Jackson, Paris will employ her considerable verbal acuity to help prepare Jackson for cross-examination. An unnamed source provided the following excerpt from one of the practice sessions:

Hilton: So, do you, um, like little boys?
Jackson: Some of my most special friends are little boys!
Hilton: I meant, do you "like, like" little boys?
Jackson: Whatever do you mean?
Hilton: Like, have you ever touched a boy at your house?
Jackson: Of course not! I would never do that! That isn't what Neverland is all about! I built a wonderful magic fairy kingdom for children to enjoy, not to enjoy children!
Hilton: That's hot.
Jackson: You wear too much makeup.
Hilton: Who does yours?
Attorney: I think we're getting off the subject here.
Hilton: Yeah. Um, well how much do you "not enjoy children"?
Jackson: Oh, oh. Well, every day. It's perfectly natural!
Hilton: Sure. As long as nobody's got a video tape.
Attorney: Love that tape.
Jackson: Huh?

"The Simple Life: Interns" airs next week-check your local station listings.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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