Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 16 September 2010

image for Abbey Clancy And Peter Crouch Having A Baby - "I Don't Believe It!" Says Victor Mildew
Daddy? Who's Monica Mint?

There was one person who didn't greet the news that WAG extraordinaire, Abbey Clancy, and vertically unchallenged whoremongering Tottenham and England striker, Peter Crouch are to have a baby, with the traditional 'Aaaah! Bless!'

Victor Mildew, of Surbiton - allegedly the inspiration behind TV sitcom character, Victor Meldrew, really did utter the immortal line:

"I don't believe it!"

Mildew then proceeded to go on a long, rambling rant regarding bloody footballers not being able to keep it in their pants, and bloody wags being more 'shameless' than TV comedy/drama character Frank Gallagher.

Speaking to SEN's Buffty Ginslinger from his back garden - where he'd been staked out naked and smeared with organic honey close to an ant's nest by a vindictive neighbour - Mildew said:

"It's bloody ridiculous! It's not five minutes ago that Crouch was paddling that Monica Mint in Madrid and they were talking about splitting up! Now they're having a bloody baby, so everything's hunky-bloody-dory again I suppose. The bloody lot of 'em want horsewhipping. Bloody degenerates!...You couldn't untie me, could you old chap?"

At which point Buffty Ginslinger mumbled something about not being able to see intricate knots without his spectacles, and promptly buggered off.

Insiders say that the baby will probably be very tall.

More as we get it.

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