Written by Morse
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Friday, 3 September 2010

image for Man With World's Largest Penis and Lindsay Lohan Link Up for Remake of "Deep Throat!"
Bargis is Back Even Bigger & Better Thanks to Lindsay Lohan's Appetite!

Hollywood's Out of Control Wild Child Lindsay Lohan, fresh out of rehab, confesses she's ready to calm down and prepare for her newest X rated movie role with shooting ready to kick off early in November.

Lohan says she has finally confronted her demons and realizes her behavior was selfish, indulgent, and she didn't really like herself, her family, or even men.

That has all changed says the confused 24 year old sex bomb, wearing a Tiffany Studded ankle monitoring bracelet ordered by the court but customized by the young diva.

In order to prepare for her new starring role in the remake of "Deep Throat" the heart warming story of Linda Lovelace the tragic-comic porn actress, Lindsay has linked up with Bargis Tryhol, known world wide as the man with the largest penis.

Said Lindsay, " I know that with my history of switching from men lovers to women, my fan's perception of me as Linda Lovelace would be hard to swallow."

"Since I've hooked with Bargis that's all changed," she said demurely licking her lips, " Bargis has just been wonderful helping me work through my personal issues and has become my new life style coach and my personal trainer, helping me practice for some of the more difficult scenes in the movie. He's almost been like a father to me which more than makes up for the scum bag Dad that made me what I am today!"

Tryhol, who has been under the radar for most of the past year claiming the notoriety was finally getting to him, recently completed additional Hindu Healing Studies at the University of New Delhi and now has settled comfortably into a spacious custom built Hindu Healing Center somewhere very close to Orlando.

Some of the recent Clients singing his praises have been Elin Woods who has credited Bargis with helping her through her recent stressful divorce with Tiger Woods, Reille Hunter who was trying to "get over" former Presidential Candidate John Edwards, Cheryl Cole who sought solace after she found out about philander husband Ashley, Tipper Gore who was revitalized after years of sordid abuse by hubby & Nobel Prize winner Al, and many other prominent women of famous husbands who claim Bargis re established their self esteem.

Said Bargis, reclining near his spacious pool on a recent rare afternoon when his appointment calendar was free, " I'm a spiritual as well as physical healer. When these women come to me they are in need of understanding and they need to have their self esteem returned to them. They also need a lot of sex!"

Tryhol claims his technique includes rhythmic chanting, the proper atmosphere, light massage using just the tips of his fingers and his well educated tongue before they are ready to graduate 'to the really big climax!"

"It's not easy getting these women out of their clothes in front of a well endowed man after all they've gone through, " he said seriously, " it takes a lot of patience, will power and rigid determination to overcome their inhibitions. Usually with my technique it takes between 5-10 minutes, although with Lindsay it was about 10 seconds after she sensed my stiff resolve to help her with her problems!"

According to the producers of the film set to air over the Christmas Holiday, Bargis is the best thing that has happened to Lindsay in a long time.

Said financial backer of the film Solomon Goldstein, " Lindsay has a new resolve and has thrown herself into the role with abandon. Some of the early cuts of swallowing a big one are film classics....there won't be a dry pair of jockey shorts in the house when the film is released!"

Plans are already in the works to reissue the film in 3-D version for foreign release in Saudi Arabia, Dubai, Iraq, and North Korea, countries Goldstein says that have a real craving for creative and sophisticated porn due their repressive regimes.

Goldstein also hinted that the film will be one of the features requested by Michelle Obama for her "Wednesday Night at the Movies" program she instituted since becoming first lady.

Bargis has been mum and a real gentleman regarding rumours on whether or not the first lady has been Twittering him, but says, "Hey, any thing's possible, this is America isn't it...everybody needs someone to love ....especially if they're suffering Penis Envy!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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