Written by matthatt
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Thursday, 2 September 2010

image for Tony Blairs memoirs suggests "The Stig" is Jeremy Clarksons illegitimate lovechild. Allegedly.
Oh fuck, I am so fucking awesome, no but really I am, in fact, I'm touching myself right now.

Tony Blair's odious and self serving stories seek to show us why he was an inspiring national leader, idealist, radical, reformer, without sacrificing his natural decency and humanity, but just end up making him look a bit of a git, according to one un-named source.

Amongst all of the sound bites and snippets culled from the pages of Mr Blairs onanistic auto-biography that have been aired in the tabloids and picked apart by the assembled carrion consuming scriveners, one bit that appears to have been overlooked is the revelations regarding media personalities and journalists, surprise, surprise.

Hidden in the pages of Tonys self serving river of paper based effluent are gem like nuggets of news, for example, media personality and game show contestant, Sandi Toksvig, allegedly donated part of her neck to Cherie Blair, allegedly to make her appear taller when standing in court rooms as a barrister and to enable her to catch flies easier, because her lower jaw used to bang against her breast bone when feeding.

Lenny Henry, who, it turns out was allegedly a workhouse orphan purchased in the 1800s by the BBC and trained in the art of television, nearly had his own BBC channel back in the early nineties but these plans were scuppered when the licence fee came under threat from David Icke, revealing that anyone who had a position of power, anywhere, was in fact, a lizard.

The licence fee itself was allegedly used solely for the purposes of purchasing virgins from Eastern Europe to feed the cast of Eastenders and other popular shows like Last of the Summer Wine.

The recent hullabaloo over "The Stigs" identity has caused such an upset within the circles of the modern television gentry, because he was allegedly born out of wedlock from one of Jeremy Clarksons lust filled frenzies with a gaggle of girls who are kept in the field next to where the Top Gear presenter is left to graze, when not being needed to act like a television personality.

Allegedly.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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