Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Music

Sunday, 8 August 2010

image for Lady Gaga Face-Fucked By Fan
The 12-inch version

US singer, Lady Gaga, the performer responsible for the worldwide number 1 hit anthem Poker Face, is at the centre of a new controversy in New York this morning, after it was alleged by the star, herself, that she had been attacked and face-fucked by a man purporting to be a fan.

Gaga, real name Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, 24, had been walking home from a burger bar close to where she lives, when she was approached by the man, who asked her for her autograph. As Gaga stopped to sign his book, the man whipped out his huge slithery appendage and thrust it into her shocked and now-open mouth, whilst singing the words to his favourite song:

P-p-p-poke her face, p-p-p--poke her face!
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poke her face, p-p-p--poke her face!
(Mum mum mum mah)

Gaga was apparently unable to escape the clutches of the man's enormous penis, and she suffered for a full three minutes until the 'song' had ended before he relinquished his grip on her, and made off into the night, laughing.

Gaga was left with semen dripping down her chin.

Police investigating the unsavoury, and slightly tangy, incident were full of sympathy for Miss Gaga. One officer said:

"It looks like she may have been the unwitting victim of her own success. If you are a sexy stage performer going around imploring men to 'poke her face', then you have nobody to blame but yourself. All I can say is, that it's a good job the attacker wasn't singing the 12-inch remix!"

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