Written by Skoob1999
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Monday, 2 August 2010

image for Brits Shocked By Bill Clinton's Gaunt Appearance At Chelsea's Wedding

While the Chelsea Clinton wedding may have grabbed the headlines in the States, here in the UK the gossip columnists were far more interested in the appearance of the father of the bride.

"He doesn't look very well, does he? Poor love," said London Bog Standard columnist Jemimah Hup-Hup-Humptyfuck.

Obviously referring to the former President's slightly gaunt, slightly white-haired, and slightly stooped appearance, Hup-Hup-Humptyfuck was merely echoing the thoughts of many British tabloid journalists, who, having not been exposed to Mr Clinton for a while, expressed concerns regarding his wellness.

"He looks like he's gone downhill a bit recently," said Geraldine Buttockspread of The Daily Slapper. "Of course, he's bound to look a bit drained, a bit worn out, like a sucked lemon, a bit weak at the knees, a bit windblown - but we put that down the stress of having been President, being married to Hillary, and blowing a few million on the wedding, not to mention the ever-present fallout from the Lewinsky business - through which he remained upstanding right up until the very end. We're just sayin' - that's all."

It seems that the British journalists are way too polite to suggest that Mr Clinton may be suffering from health problems. Richard Littledick of The Daily Slur told us:

"He doesn't look that bad. I don't know what all the fuss is about. I won't be running it as a story. Might be different if he'd looked like Alex 'Hurricane' Higgins in the last weeks of his life, or turned yellow like Georgie Best. But he hasn't. Text me if he does though..."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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