Written by jason
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Thursday, 14 April 2005

image for Brad and Jen kidnapped by the cast of Oceans Twelve
Brad captured

Los Angeles, California -- It's been close to 3 months after Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's shocking announcement that stunned the world, but there are still fans who just won't accept their decision.

Fans of the two popular superstars have written to the remaining cast of Oceans Twelve in hopes of them using their skills to persuade the couple to get back together.

The famous cast decided amongst themselves to take up their challenge. Their plan was to kidnap and detain them as long as it took for them to change their mind about the separation.

"They brought it upon themselves" said Clooney, who plays the lead character called Danny Ocean in the hit movie. "Jennifer Aniston is a sexy little……ah….she's…a wonderful woman who deserves a man like Brad, hopefully we can find a way for them to settle their differences and love each other once again.

"During the captivation period we have used some highly specialized equipment to do psychological studies on Brad. What we have discovered is that Brad is one horny Bastard.
We all know that Brad is regarded as one of the sexiest men on the planet; therefore the temptation to plant his seeds in a beautiful woman is much bigger for him than the average William Dafoe."

Tension was raised in the hostage room when Bernie Mac finally snapped at Pitt and threatened to bitch-slap him. Actor Matt Damon later threatened Pitt with his Jason Bourne moves. "Oh please, have you seen Troy, I played Hercules my friend, Jason Bourne is no match for me". George Clooney finally interrupted,"Hey that's enough out of both of you", to which Brad Pitt said, "just what we need an ER man". In a blink of an eye the room erupted with insults and curses. This gave Julia Roberts and Catherine bitchy-Jones a chance to take Jennifer aside and have a hart to hart A-list Hollywood actress girl talk.

Brad and Jen decided to give it another try, but operation BJ has destroyed the plans for a Oceans 13 movie. "The Ocean gang have strained away from each other, if there's one thing that we've learned from this operation is that no amount of celebrities can work together unless their paid millions of dollars.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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