Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 23 July 2010

image for Jessica Simpson's New 'Free-Loading' Boyfriend Is Using Her Beyond Belief
Jessica Simpson has, as of July 24, 2010, spent over $385,000 on her 'free-loading' new boyfriend.

PUNTA TRAGARA, Italy - Jessica Simpson celebrated her 30th birthday with her new boyfriend, or more accurately her new 'unemployed' boyfriend Eric Johnson.

Johnson, an ex New Orleans Saints football player, who was let go two years ago because he drank way too much Gatorade, has not held a job in two years (24 months). And furthermore Eric The Leech is quite content to live off of Jessica's plastic (credit cards).

Johnson and Simpson celebrated Jessy's 30th birthday at Punta Tragara's five-star hotel, The Hotel Alfredo Fettuccine, where they stayed in The Benito Mussolini Suite at a cost of $3,192 a day (which Simpson paid for).

They also ate at three of Punta Tragara's most expensive restaurants, Ristorante Arrivederci Angelo, Ristorante Lasagna de Frank Sinatra, and at the Ristorante Hey Luigi, which is famous for its strolling piano player Vicente Vino Blanco, a muscian/body builder.

When Simpson was asked if Eric ever pays for anything she kind of blushed and said that he does not because he does not have any money.

She was then asked if he had thought about maybe getting a job. Simpson got upset and said that it is no ones business if her Eric has a job or not. She said that he treats her like a lady and opens the car door for her, puts Sweet 'N Low in her tea, and says 'bless you' when she sneezes.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Gosh. What more could a woman possibly ask for?...Oh I know how about a boyfriend who isn't listed in Wikipedia under the heading 'Free Loading Men of The World.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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