Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Saturday, 17 July 2010

image for Roman Polanski To Direct New Movie Version of 'Heidi'
Too Old For Roman

Pedo, Switzerland-- Infamous director Roman Polanski is back behind the cameras and ready to begin a new movie about Heidi. The diminutive dork will direct a new movie about the legendary little Swiss girl. Mr. Polanski says the movie is "his gift to the Swiss people, because they deserve it."

Roman Polanski will both direct and star in the movie. Mr. Polanski will portray the crotchety old grandfather who Heidi comes to live with. A talent search is underway in Switzerland to find the right girl to play Heidi.

"I want to direct a girl between the ages of 10 and 14." said the scumbag. "I might even go with an old lady the age of 15, but no older." said the creep.

Mr. Polanski says this will be a 21st Century Heidi.

"She will fall in love with her grandfather, and have his child. It will be a very daring movie, only for the most discriminating and liberal film aficionado." said the evil little troll.

Mr. Polanski says he hopes to screen-test thousands of little Swiss girls in his chalet. He promises to provide them with lots of booze and painkillers.

Actress Whoopi Goldberg is also in the movie. She will portray a sex-crazed goat.

"It ain't rape-rape if it's just a movie-movie." said the buck-toothed Whoopi.

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