LONDON - Derek Hough, boyfriend of Cheryl Cole, gave her a bit of good news when he informed her in her hospital room that he has been told by the government of Tanzania that the mosquito which stung Ms. Cole has been found and squashed by a leader of a safari group that had been hunting down the dreaded little bastard.
Iffy Muntumbi, Jr., the safari guide, said that he was able to track down the little bugger through the excellent information and photograph that he had been given by Chezza's and Derek's personal body guard Billy "Biceps" Burglinsteen.
Cole has been fighting off the horrible malaria disease for five days. Doctors at London's Monty Python General Hospital expressed extreme relief that they were able to keep the disease in check and it did not affect her vocal cords, her dancing feet, or her reproductive hooha.
Derek, who blames himself for booking the trip to Tanzania, said that he knows now that they should have gone to Greenland instead.
Hough said that there are hardly any mosquitoes in Greenland and the few that there are have had their little bitty stingers frozen and rendered totally useless by the mother effen cold ass weather.
Chezza and Derek hope to get back to dining, drinking, dancing, and dilly dallying before too long.
To view some rather explicit photos of the intimate area where Cheryl was bitten by the little mother effen mosquito log on to www.cherylspeepeemosquitobite.wow