Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 8 July 2010

image for Lindsay Lohan Asks If She Can Have A Jail Cell That Has A Carpet
LIndsay Lohan shaking her hair angrily when the judge read her sentence.

LOS ANGELES - Lindsay Dee Lohan has asked her attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, to please ask Judge Marsha Revel if she can have a jail cell at The Zsa Zsa Gabor Prison For Women that has a carpet.

LiLo said that she hates to put her pretty little white feet on a cold hard floor. She noted that her cute little footsies have not touched anything but carpeting for the past 20 years.

Her lawyer snickered and curiously asked "Lohan, girl is you kiddin' wiff me or is ya bein' serious wiff me?"

Lohan said that she was serious. Her lawyer rolled her eyes and told her that she can kiss the idea of having a carpet in her jail cell goodbye, along with her request to have her movie star big bulb lighted makeup mirror, her iPad, her iPhone, her iBig Screen TV, and her new pet dog Freckles.

Lindsay told her attorney that she does not appreciate the fact that the black judge was treating her as if she was a plain, common, simple low life criminal.

Her lawyer, who is also black, replied, "Da black judge ya say? Ya know child, you sho nuff has been one sheltered little white bitch huh?"

Lohan became upset and told her not to call her a bitch.

"Ah honey child, you be a bitch fo sho. You also be a skank ho, a wild vile child, a honky donkey, and one freckled assed slut."

"You can't talk to me like that. I'm Lindsay Lohan, aka LiLo the fabulous movie star."

Chapman Holley got in her face, "Uh huh. Dat shit and a dollar will get ya a Diet Tea Snapple bitch."

"You can't talk to me like that...You're fired!"

"Hallelujah. Thank ya Lord."

In a related story. Lohan's new girlfriend, Eilat Anschel, was asked if she would wait for LiLo to get out of prison or if she would find another girlfriend. Anschel smiled and said that she would probably wait because she has not quite yet finished counting the thousands of freckles on Lindsay's body.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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