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Thursday, 1 July 2010

image for Cheryl Cole To Marry Derek Hough - Ashley Cole To Be Best Man
The Scene At The J Edgar Hoover Wedding Chapel In Vegas This Afternoon.

Reports are filtering through that Cheryl Cole is to tie the knot with Dancing Derek Hough later this year in Las Vegas and that Ashley Cole is to be the best man.

Cheryl, who is rumoured to be considering entering Dancing With The Stars with Dancing Derek, will tie the knot with her 'Parachute' dance partner at the J Edgar Hoover Wedding Chapel on Vegas's Strip. Reports suggest that Pastor Ruben 'Big Balls' O'Malley will conduct the ceremony.

Ashley Cole, who is apparently not keen on passing his ex-wife on to the two-stepping dancing fellow, was persuaded to stand as best man by Cheryl's mammy, Joan, who threatened to tell tales on him to the press if he refused to comply.

It is thought that Ashley - already one of Britain's most hated men, much reviled for saying he hated England and the English people just before a disastrous World Cup campaign - acceded to Joan's demands and promised to be best man at the ceremony, if only to get away from England for a while. He did warn the happy couple not to expect his best man speech to be up to much, as he can't be arsed.

Pastor Ruben 'Big Balls' O'Malley said that he was looking forward to conducting the ceremony, and that it would be a historic and memorable milestone in the history of the J Edgar Hoover Wedding Chapel.

It is understood that after the wedding, Cheryl and Derek will fly off to Bermuda with Joan for the honeymoon, and Ashley will probably fly straight back to Madrid to meet up with John Terry and their new boss Jose Mourinho.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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