Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 16 June 2010

image for Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Miley Cyrus To Star in "The Vindictive Vuvuzela Vampires"
Lindsay Lohan's 'boyfriend' Samantha Ronson will portray Tina Garlic The Sordid Seductress of Unchaste Maidens.

CLEVELAND - Gunther Krottentokker, the producer of the new motion picture from Cripple Creek Pictures The Vindictive Vuvuzela Vampires, has said that he has signed Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Miley Cyrus to appear in the movie based on the screenplay by the Smoothwall sisters of Southampton, England, Leona and Leilani.

Krottentokker, who was visiting his biological grandmother Florentina Ethel Huskerpacker, 99, said that he had originally wanted Lady Gaga for the part of Crosella the Evil Crows Sorceress of Moldova.

He stated that he quickly changed his mind about Lady Gaga when he found out that she demanded to have her own hair stylist, make up artist, nutritionist, palm reader, masseuse, dietitian, and bikini waxer.

Krottentokker said that he had to draw the line at Gaga having a bikini waxer since he knows for a fact that she has not shaved her landing strip in over eight months.

He went on to say that he was lucky that Miley Cyrus was available and agreed to take the part but only if she was paid more than what Pattinson and Stewart are receiving together.

The famed producer said that he has also secured the services of on-again, off-again Lindsay Lohan 'Boyfriend' Samantha Ronson who will star in the role of Tina Garlic The Sordid Seductress of Unchaste Maidens.

The film will be shot on location in Cape Town, South Africa; Venice, Italy; and Tarzana, California. Catering will be provided by The Yummy Yummy Yummy Catering Folks based in La Brea, California.

SIDENOTE: Contrary to scandal laden rumors going around, Krottentokker said that Miley Cyrus will not be nude and will be wearing a skin-colored leotard which will definitely cover up her much publicized bikini burger.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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