Written by T John Cunningham
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Wednesday, 16 June 2010

image for Guardian's Lost in Showbiz Editor, Marina Hyde, gets Lost in Showbiz
Not Lost in Showbiz

Marina Hyde,(61) prolific journalist and editor of Friday's popular Guardian G2 section 'Lost in Showbiz' column, has, unfortunately found herself, lost in showbiz.

Surrounding herself continuously with footballers, music celebrities, TV presenters and other 'superstar' journalists, she picked up last Friday's edition and saw that she had actually written a scathing, undermining attack on herself, ripping the piss out of her own activities the previous week.

"Welcome to the stage, dear reader(s)", she writes, "The one, the only Ms M.Hyde, Minister for Humour, our saviour from the misery of our mundane lives." She goes on - "Before catching a flight to Miami for a hair cut, Marina Hyde, or 'Gobby' to her friend(s), skipped to Nobo for a Champagne lunch with P.Diddy, then a quick Pilates session with Madge at 3pm." She continues,"I remember the day when she wiped her own arse. Not any more. That prestigious task is now left to the bird with the bloke's name, Hadley Freeman, who also, in fact, writes the column for her, even when she's not 'away'. But, come with me now, my people, to China White, where the beautiful fashionistas with the wrong husbands and ugly children..blah, blah, fucking, shit, crap blah..."

You have got to feel sorry for Ms Hyde. Witnesses who saw her reading her own column that terrible day, report that upon finishing it, she actually shat herself, before collapsing in shock, speed dialling Miss Freeman with her diamond encrusted Blackberry on her way down to the pavement.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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