Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 11 June 2010

image for America's Got Talent: Maricar The Sexy Dominatrix Is Dating Ryan Seacrest
Maricar The Sexy Dominatrix wearing a green mask.

HOLLYWOOD - The word on the street is that America's Got Talent contestant Maricar The Sexy Dominatrix is dating American Idol host Ryan Seacrest.

The two were reportedly spotted in Brooklyn having lunch at Al Pacino's eating establishment The Phony Pizza Diner.

Witnesses reported seeing Maricar sitting with her legs straddled across Ryan's lap. Maricar was drinking a Long Island Iced Tea and Ryan was sipping on a Mint Julep.

The two could be heard telling each other Clay Aiken jokes and talking about the NBA Finals, The Soccer World Cup Finals, and the ever present bulge in Lady Gaga's crotch.

Seacrest was asked if he and Maricar were dating and he replied that they were just friends who have the same interests such as 70s music, fried okra, TV sit-coms, and black whips.

Ryan pointed out that he has been collecting black whips ever since his high school days when one of his teachers, Miss Pandora Skritchboro, gave him an extra black whip she had lying around her one room apartment.

Maricar said that she has always thought that Ryan was the sexiest of all the celebrities on American Idol, except for Kara DioGuardi, whom Mari says just totally oozes sexuality from the tip of her fingers, to the tip of her toes, to the tip of her tits.

She was asked if she thought that Randy "The Black Dawg" was sexy. Mar replied that she did not find Jackson at all sexy. She then added that she actually finds him quite annoying, obnoxious, and arrogant.

Maricar then said, "Plus I cannot stand it when every time a contestant performs he says, 'yo yo, listen up yo. I don't know dawg...for me it was just kinda alright. It was just like I really did not like it. The beginning was pitchy, the middle was middle was pitchy, and the ending was pitchy, but for the most part it was pretty damn effen pitchy yo yo dawg.'"

Ryan started laughing and added that if he had a nickel for every time he has heard Randy utter the words yo yo and pitchy he would have thousands and thousands of nickels or possibly enough to fill both cups of Kirstie Alley's bra.

In a non-related story. River experts have discovered that the Swahili River in Africa flows both ways. The left side flows north and the right side flows south. No explanation as to why this is.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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