Written by Gary Midgeley

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Tuesday, 8 June 2010

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Real pimps even say the film is crap

Danny Dyer's latest film "Pimp" bombed at the cinema on it's opening weekend, where just 24 seats were sold, making a pittance of £205. The docu-film style gritty story is set in Soho and is said to be an insight into the street lives of prostitutes, in a film which Dyer himself describes as "Geezer, apples and pears, bosh, bosh, muppet nutmeg bruv".

As "Pimp" played to empty cinemas across the nation, even homeless people complained after a few wandered into an empty cinema looking for a warm, safe place to sleep, but quickly left when seeing the film playing, claiming "What a ponce" before finally settling in a piss soaked, rat infested alley in the pouring rain.

They weren't the only people complaining about the Dyer film, with critics labelling it as "Dyer-bolical" and "A Dyer-saster" and describing his performance in the film as "Complete Dyer-rhea". The film has many topless scenes, but the West ham fan is said to be the "biggest tit of them all".

At the film's premiere in London's Covent Garden over the weekend, the mockney didn't appear worried about the poor turn out nor the criticism the film received, but was more concerned with being type-cast as a tough guy for the rest of his career and hopes his next role in the upcoming film "Cut slag's, stab geezer, proper naughty sunshine" will show he's not just a one dimensional actor, when he plays the loveable character "Jimmy slash nut kill bruv".

The free trailer for "Pimp" may have been removed from websites after people whom watched it even wanted their money back, but the film will continue to play at empty cinemas for the next few weeks.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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