Written by Loopy Luna
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Topics: Music, Guitar

Saturday, 1 October 2005

image for Clapton's Shock Confession!
Crawford: A True Legendary Guitarist

Music legend Eric Clapton made a shocking revelation during a press conference yesterday by admitting that he can not play a single chord! The famous guitarist who has inspired generations to play the guitar made his emotional confession after being asked how it felt to be generally regarded as one of the greatest guitar players in the World."I cannot play the guitar to save my life," said Clapton.

Sources close to the musician have confirmed that this statement from Clapton is in fact true. Clapton who was the front man of several bands including Cream and Derek and the Dominoes can not even play a simple three chord combination. It seems throughout his career Clapton has used a 'shadow guitarist' to perform in the sidelines while he mimics playing the guitar on stage during performances. Bobby ‘Spaz' Jone's, a former crew member during one of Clapton's first tours recollects Clapton's excellent mimicking abilities.

"Clapton should have been a Hollywood actor instead of a guitar genius and a legend'"

He commented while rolling a cigarette in his spacious apartment located at Crummy Court Housing Estate, Hackney.

"He could pretend to play that guitar brilliantly, he even knew where to put his fingers and everything, but when he tried to play, Christ what an awful noise!"

We at The Spoof! Have managed to locate the true identity of the guitar supremo that for years we have all assumed was Clapton. The true guitar legend is none other then, Michael Crawford!

Crawford was the star of the hit BBC show ‘Some Mothers Do Ave' Em' playing the clumsy but loveable Frank Spencer. Crawford's Frank character is now a household name around the world, however no one ever knew of Crawford's involvement with Clapton. Until now!

It was in fact Crawford who wrote the famous riffs for Clapton's classic song Layla. Clapton's associates had managed to keep the greatest Rock secret uncovered for over three decades until Clapton's startling revelation yesterday. We attempted to contact Crawford this morning for a statement, but he has declined to comment.

Our sources have informed us that due to a contract signed by Crawford he is legally forbidden from commenting upon his involvement with Clapton. Patrick O'Shamrock, another of Clapton's former tour crew who was sacked for gross misconduct commented further on the most shocking secret in music history.

"Clapton is a nice bloke, he can sing grand, and he can play air guitar better than anyone I have ever seen, but a guitar genius? Feck No! It's Crawford who is the true musical prodigy. He may act the bumbling fool in that show of his, but get him to play Layla and we shall see who the clumsy idiot is then!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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