Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 3 June 2010

image for Heidi Montag Tests Positive For Plastic
The Blue Star Credit Card that Heidi has used to pay for each of her 38 surgeries.

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Heidi Montag, the ex-Playboy model, went in for her weekly checkup and the results of her tests all showed signs of plastic.

Her physician, Dr. Martin Titusquarts, is of course not surprised as he is responsible for putting about 98 percent of the plastic in Montag's various places, locations, orifices, cavities, and openings of her body.

Dr. Titusquartz did say that Heidi's recent nipple colorization procedure did not work. He said that the color for some reason did not adhere to either nip. When asked why that was, he simply shrugged his shoulders and answered, "Beats me."

He did add that her uvula circumcision did take and she has had no problem at all eating, drinking, or performing any types of acts associated with her throat area.

Ms. Montag was to have begun filming on her new reality show entitled Heidi Montag and Her Trained Triple D's this month but that has changed.

Reports are that she had a falling out with the shows producers who wanted her to do certain things to both of her tits which Heidi simply felt had no bearing on the plot of the story.

So now she will instead star in another reality show on the Nocturnal Network with Andy Dick entitled The Adventures of Plastic Woman and The Dick.

SIDENOTE: Rumors of Heidi being seen checking into a Ramada Inn in La Habra with Jesse James have not be substantiated as of yet.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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