Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 29 May 2010

image for After His Appearance On The American Idol Finale, 70s Rocker Alice Cooper Has Signed To Be Justin Bieber's Opening Act
A photo taken of Alice Cooper on his 18th birthday.

HOLLYWOOD - Ever since American Idol first came onto the reality TV show scene nine years ago, recording artists who have not been in the public eye in years and even decades have literally begged the AI producers to allow them to make an appearance.

Kenny Rogers appeared and his record sales soared the very next day; as did Barry Manilow's, Gladys Knight's, Neil Sedaka's, and John Phillip Sousa's.

Bob Dylan, Neil Young, and Cyndi Lauper were all also to have appeared but Dylan got lost on the way to the Hollywood studio and ended up in Ensenada, Mexico.

Neil Young stopped at a local bar to have a Margarita and after the ninth one decided that he better just head on back to the hotel.

And Cyndi Lauper lost track of time while shopping for hair products in Santa Monica.

But on the season's finale, 70s icon rock and roller Vincent Damon Furnier, better known as Alice Cooper, showed the crowd in the Nokia Theater and at home that the 80-year-old son-of-a-gun can still rock and put on quite a show.

Of course long gone are his patented live stage props including his 16th century French guillotine; his electric chair, which highly resembles "Sparky" the Texas electric chair; his half dozen real live boa constrictors; and fake blood; fake tears; and fake boobs.

And Cooper now no longer sings songs about young groupies, sexy school teachers, and loose nymphomaniacs. Those song topics have now been replaced with songs about health care, premature eradication's, stretch marks, collapsed uterus's, and atrophied diddly dippers.

But one thing that has not changed is the fact that Alice Cooper, unlike Whitney Houston, can still hit the high notes.

And that is why the young lad from Canada, Justin Bieber, has decided to have Alice Cooper be his opening act on his upcoming Hello Puberty Concert Tour of America.

In Arizona news. President Obama wants to dispel the rumor that has been going around most of Arizona's shopping malls that he is planning on giving Arizona back to Mexico. He said that those rumors are unfounded and besides he talked to Mexican President Nacho Winslow yesterday and Winslow said that he wouldn't take Arizona if you gift wrapped it in one hundred dollar bills.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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