Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 28 May 2010

image for Willie Nelson Cuts Off His Braids - He Now Looks Like An Old, Ugly Kathy Griffin
A closeup photo of some of Willie's ex-braids. (Photo courtesy of Warren Beatty).

ROUND ROCK, Texas - Willie Nelson had just finished performing at The Round Rock City Limits Bar & Grill when he was asked about his new hair look.

Willie, who is 77, said that he went and had his waist length braids cut off because he simply got tired of little kids coming up behind him and swinging from both strands.

He said that one day last week, down in Laredo, a little 7-year-old Norwegian-American boy was swinging from his left braid and lost his grip. Willie said that the little shit fell smack dab on a good-sized cactus.

The boy identified as Hans Fiyordsen, III, was rushed to a cactus injuries clinic and treated. Doctors removed a total of 87 cactus needles from his back, his legs, his arms, his butt, and his tallywhacker.

Nelson said that a few days later he received a letter from the mother and father of little Hans saying that they planned to sue him for having what they termed as 'extremely unsafe braids.'

Willie said that he settled out of court, but decided to avert any braid swinging lawsuits in the future by just cutting off his braids.

He added that he called up David Crosby of the 70s band Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young about re-recording their hit song "I Almost Cut My Hair." Nelson said that he will change it around a little bit and re-release it as "I Did Mother Effen Cut My Hair."

In a somewhat related story. Arlo Guthrie, who performed at Woodstock in 1969, just celebrated his 97th birthday. Guthrie, who collects Barbie Dolls as a hobby, swears that he is only 95.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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