Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 5 June 2010

image for Heidi Montag, Vanessa Hudgens, and Holly Sampson To Star With Frankie Avalon In His 73rd Beach Movie - "Beach Blanket Viagra"
Avalon's maid Britt McSpittle (L) and cook Marla Figlockley (R) will appear in "Beach Blanket Viagra."

HOLLYWOOD - Frankie Avalon, a 50s and 60s movie icon, who appeared in almost every single beach movie ever made has just been signed to appear in Beach Blanket Viagra, which will be his 73rd beach movie.

Appearing with Avalon will be Heidi Montag, Vanessa Hudgens, and Holly Sampson. Montag said that she would appear but only under the condition that she gets to wear the skimpiest bikini swimsuit of any of the other actresses.

Vanessa Hudgens said that she did not care just as long as she received the highest salary of any of the other actresses.

And Holly Sampson said that she would appear but only as long as she did not have to answer any more questions about Tiger Woods, his golf secrets, his weird golf ball fetish, or his groin gadget.

Avalon grew up in Philadelphia and learned to swim at the young age of four weeks in his grandmother's kitchen sink. He appeared in his first beach movie Son-of-a-Beach in 1963.

The film starred a young Annette Funicello, a young Edd "Cookie" Byrnes, a young Linda Evans, and a not-so-young Don Rickles.

Most people have forgotten that Avalon, who is now 70, was nominated for 17 Academy Awards including Best Actor which he won for his portrayal of Surfer Sal, in the beach classic, Hey Girls Come On Over To My Beach House And I'll Show You My Beach Balls.

Frankie, as everyone called him, was also nominated for best actor in the beach films, The Venice Beach Bitches, The Cellulite Beach Bikini Orgy, and the 1965 Academy Award winner The Beer Monster From Tar Balls Beach.

In a related story. Avalon says that he wants to dispel the rumor that he is the father of Sandra Bullock's baby Louis. Frankie laughed and said, "For goodness sakes, the baby has curly hair. My hair is straight."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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