Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 27 May 2010

image for Ryan Seacrest Says That He Did Not Know The American Idol Winner Beforehand
Chicago's radio station WHAT. (Photo courtesy of Gayle King, Oprah's BFF [WINK-WINK])

CHICAGO - Local morning talk radio DJ Covelle "Da Black Bro" Pitchfinch on station WHAT claims that host Ryan Seacrest knew a full six hours before the American Idol finale show went on the air who the winner was.

Illinois native, Lee DeWyze was declared the winner, and he was asked in a radio interview with Pitchfinch if Ryan Seacrest had informed him beforehand that he was going to be the winner.

Lee laughed and asked, "Are you freakin' effen kidding me dude? Of course I did not know, if I had known do you think that I would have peed in my pants like I did?

Do you think I would have thrown up in my coat pocket like I did?

And bro do you mother friggin think for one solitary son-of-a-bitchin' second that I would have been crying my eyes out like that irritatingly irritating big bosomed bitch from San Juan, Puerto Rico, Tatiana "Tits" Del Toro?"

"Ah...I guess maybe not huh dude?" Pitchfinch answered.

"Effen right Buckwheat, or Stymie, or Farina, or whatever your radio name is fella."

Lee told Pitchfinch that he had to go. He said he had to do dozens of radio interviews with individuals who bother to take the time to get their mother effen facts straight.

SIDENOTE: Immediately after "Da Black Bro's" radio interview ended, the station was bombarded with a total of 18,703 telephone complaints including three separate calls from Ryan Seacrest himself who assured Pitchfinch that he did not know the winner's name until he opened the envelope live on stage. Right after Seacrest's third call the black radio mouthpiece found himself clearing out his desk and driving over to the unemployment office.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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