Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 14 May 2010

image for Selena Gomez Says She Wants To Give Liam Hemsworth A Lap Dance
A photo of Governor Jan Brewer's RV, which she will probably be living in when President Obama shuts down Arizona.

FLAGSTAFF, Arizona - Selena Gomez flew to Arizona to visit the Grand Canyon before President Obama totally shuts down the state with his upcoming mandated state-wide ban.

Selena was asked what she thinks about Arizona's Immigration Bill. She rolled her eyes and said that she feels sorry for Governor Jan Brewer because she has just infuriated every single Mexican drug cartel leader in the entire Republic of Mexico.

Gomez said that she spoke with a cousin of hers, PiƱatita, who lives in Nuevo Laredo, Mexico, and she told her that the drug lords are referring to the governor as Brewer de Screwer.

She also said that she heard that all of Mexico's 27 drug cartels have all pitched in and come up with a combined total of one billion pesos [$80.5 million U.S.] which they have placed in a special account in The Banco Nacional Primero de Mexicali.

The total amount will be given to the person that kidnaps Brewer de Screwer and shaves off her hair and tattoos her bald head with the words "Hecho En Mexico" (Made In Mexico).

The governor said that she is not the least bit afraid of any drug cartellers because she has Maricopa County Sheriff Joe "Pinky Boy" Arpaio watching her back.

The sheriff was asked if that was true. He smiled and replied, "Well yes, but actually I will also be watching Janny's front as well, and not just her back. Although I must say that for a woman of 65, she is still a right handsome woman with really not a whole lot of cellulite on her thighs, shoulders, or ass."

Selena was asked what she thought about the lap dance that Miley Cyrus had given Adam Shankman, the 44-year-old producer of her movie The Last Song,

Gomezita, as her manicurist calls her, blushed and said that she had only seen the video this morning and she could not believe how her friend Miley was bumpin' and grindin' like she actually knew what the hell she was doin'.

Selena remarked that it was a good thing that Shanky is gay because if it had been some non-gay guy Miley might have ended up becoming engaged right there on the spot.

She pointed out that she knows that Miley was not drunk because the strongest thing the little 'pr*i*ck teaser' drinks is Coke Zero.

When Selena was asked if she would ever give any guy a lap dance she grinned, waved her hand up and down in a getting some air motion, and replied that she would but only with the lights off.

She was asked who she would give a 'lappy' to, she replied that she would love to give Liam Hemsworth a lap dance.

When Gomez was asked if she didn't think that it would anger Miley, Selena laughed and noted, that Miley had given a 44-year-old faggarino dude a lap dance and that if she (Selena) wanted to give a 20-year-old stud a lap dance, a gift certificate to a sports shop, and a personal check for $100, she would and no Hannah Montana bitch would stop her.

In other news. Reports that the NFL Arizona Cardinals are considering moving to Corpus Christi have been confirmed as being true.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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