Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 12 May 2010

image for Dancing With The Stars: Niecy Nash Told To Jiggle Her "Parts" On Off The Dance Floor and Out The Exit Door
Niecy Nash owns about 19 cattle which she refers to as her herd of 'hamburgers.'

HOLLYWOOD - And then there were four. Dancing With The Stars host Tom Bergeron showed the fully full-figured Niecy Nash the exit.

At first Miss Nash, who unofficially tips the scales at 270, said that she was not leaving and that there was no mother effen cracker, Filipino, gaytalian, English grouch, or black orchestra director that was going to make her.

Her partner Louis Van Amstel told her that if she did not leave, and leave peacefully the shows Executive Producer Bernadette Penderlicki would have no choice but to place a 911 call to the Hollywood Police Department.

Miss Niecy pulled a cheeseburger out of her cleavage and said, "Well alright. Okay. Lissen up y'all, Niecy here is gonna be headin' on outta here. I danced my humongous black ass off and I sho does hope dat y'all appreciate it some."

Van Amstel said that it was a pleasure dancing with her even though she did step on his feet at least 30 times. Niecy laughed and told him to be happy that it was her and not Kirstie Alley, Wynonna Judd, or even worse that 603 pound Gabourey Sidibe bitch who can make Aretha Franklin look downright anorexic.

The Gipsy Kings who performed at President Harry Truman's inauguration sang two songs "Who Let The Dogs Out" and Amy Winehouse's "Rehab." The DWTS producers used English subtitles on both songs.

The lead singer of the Gipsy Kings, Juan Jose Julio Jorge Cerveza said that they were supposed to have played three concerts in Tucson, Phoenix, and Tempe but Arizona Governor Jan Brewer texted them and told them that the concerts had been cancelled due to the fact that she was afraid that they could end up being arrested due to the new Immigration Law that her state has enacted.

Cerveza replied that he and his band members had no hard feelings. He then pointed out that their next album will be entitled, 'California and New Mexico Are Cool - Arizona Sucks The Big Chorizo (Sausage)'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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