CHICAGO, Illinois - Patrons of Chicago's Nouveau Moon Pattisserie were shocked this afternoon when Rob Pattinson's face suddenly appeared on a five-tiered wedding cake iced in Italian Meringue buttercream.
"I told you to tie your shoelaces," said Kristen Stewart, whose idea it had been to step into the shop in the first place.
Witnesses said gum paste wildflowers and delicate amaretto ribbons had scattered when the tumbling British heartthrob's face smashed into an exquisitely decorated, buttercream-and-fondant-iced wedding cake.
The not-so-lucky couple's monogram - detailed in the scrollwork - was completely demolished by one devastating blow from Pattinson's chiseled physique.
"You are going to pay for that," the shop's owner, Marie Fournier, said coldly.
"Of course I will," said Pattinson, removing chunks of fondant-covered dark chocolate from his ash-blonde English locks with a sheepish grin. "Of course I will.
"How much do I owe you?" he asked, struggling to his feet as he slipped and slid, his shoes making long streaks in the buttercream frosting.
"Non, mon petit chou, you do not understand. I mean, you are going to pay for that!" repeated the imposing French shopkeep as she reached for a broom.
"You think you are so cute with your rosy red cheeks! I worked on that cake for three days!" she cried as she chased Pattinson out into the street screaming.
"I just don't believe it," said Stewart, turning to address the shop's startled patrons as the scrambling pair disappeared from view.
"Why am I still with that guy? Oh, well, at least he didn't get trapped in the oven this time!"